Last Day of Maternity Leave

I'm sitting here watching my Sweet Cheeks on her video monitor while she takes her last nap of the day.  It's been 18 weeks and I can't believe it.  Tomorrow I'll return to the work force and it feels so bittersweet.  I love my job and can't wait to get back to "the grind", but as I sit here watching my little girl I don't want to, can't imagine, don't know if I even can leave her. 

It's strange...I know none of what I'm thinking is true.  Countless children have working mothers (including myself) and have gone to daycare (again, including myself) and they all love their mothers just as much as a kid who has a stay at home mom (yup, including myself).  Just because you stay at home doesn't make you a good mom and just because you have to work doesn't make you a bad one...but I can't help but think the following:

1. Will she still love me as much?
2. Will leaving her break our bond?
3. Will she remember me?
4. Will she miss me?
5. Will she be royally screwed up because I left her?

Again, I know the answers to these, but my heart is sorrowfully wondering and not even the thought that Nick will be home with her helps.  All I keep thinking is it's been 18 weeks, my time is up, how can that be?  How will I manage not being with her every minute of the day?  How will I manage not seeing every smile, every tear, and every wondrous stare she makes?  How will I survive on getting to be with her only an hour or two before bed for five days and just two days out of seven every week (and have to share her with Nick for those two days)?

My only answer is that the strongest woman I've ever known did it (my mother) and she did it in a forgein country without knowing English very well with all of her family thousands and thousands of miles away on a completely different continent and a husband who wasn't around because he was in the Army.  She's my best friend, my hero, and the woman I have the most respect for, so deep down I know I can do it too.

Just remember Sweet Cheeks...just because Mommy can't be with you all the time doesn't mean she loves you any less.  You're always in my thoughts and always in my heart and I love you more than anyone.  You make my soul sing and fill my life with such joy.  Nothing can ever change that.

But still, when did my Sweet Cheeks, my Bree Pea, my Bree Bree, my Chubbles, my Chunk-a-Monk, my Eagle Screecher, my COOKIE go from this:

to this???