New Eyes...

So after 6 years of whining and saying, "I'm going to do it next year," I finally took the plunge and got Lasik. I let a man take not one, but TWO lasers to my eyeballs and fix them so my near sightedness and astigmatism would finally go away.

I know many, many people who say it's not big deal, it's over quick, blah, blah, blah. I didn't like it. Not one bit. In fact, halfway through the first eye I literally thought, "WTF am I doing? I'm done, I want out of this chair!" Unfortunately, the laser had already cut my eye open.

I went to Dr. Shanzlin at UCSD (University of California, San Diego for you non SoCal'ers) who has impeccable credentials. I mean, if I'm going to let someone toy with my eyes, he better be one of the best, right?

The facility was wonderful, staff great. They even have this viewing window and eye camera so you're "loved one" can watch. Of course Nick watched, I can't believe you're even wondering!

They walked me into this room and hand me this poor stuffed bear (which I got to keep) to hold in my hands for anxiety. Dr. Shanzlin said he was surprised the bear's head wasn't ripped off by the time it was all said and done.

He took a laser, called an Intralase, and lasered the top of my eye and flipped it back (called a corneal flap). In order to do this, they gave me a Valium, and a ton of numbing drops. It's true, you don't feel anything; however, they put this weird suction thingie over my eye to help keep it open and laser it. The laser pushes down on top of the suction thingie while it's lasering. The pressure is beyond uncomfortable! This is also the point when everything goes black. I was definitely feeling like my Valium wasn't working. Dr. Shanzlin had offered me an extra one about 10 minutes before the procedure, but I thought I was fine and declined it. If you ever get Lasik and they offer you more Valium, take it.

When the laser is done, they take the suction thingie off and put the eye speculum in, think Clockwork Orange folks. Also not the most comfortable contraption, but it was better than the suction thingie. I then see this tiny hook thing (although it's REALLY blurry) and Dr. Shanlzin hooks around my little flap all around my eye and then gently pulls my cornea back. Everything takes on this weird blurry, milky look.

Then comes the second laser. I didn't smell my eyeball burning which I've heard isn't a good smell and Dr. Shanzlin actually warned me about. He also said I might not smell it because I didn't need the laser as long as most...small victory for me!

Stare at the orange light, no one says the orange light turns into a disco dance party which makes me feel like I'm trippin'...the rainbow colors can't be described as anything but, "far out". ;)

Then the laser is done, lifted up, hook thing reappears, but is almost unseeable now, and the hook goes whip and cornea is back in place, and smoothed out. Drops are put in, but at this point I can barely keep my eye open so most of it goes on my eyelid, patch placed over it and I'm ready to do the other eye.

Only I don't really want to do it anymore, but I can't have one better than perfect eye and the other blurry, can I? My left eye would get an inferiority complex...

So the other eye is completed, dark goggles taped in place, and I'm done. I'm told to keep my eyes closed as gently as possible for as long as possible until my 1 day post op the next day. No problem, because honestly, I can't open my eyes at this point, they immediately fall shut from their poor trauma. The whole procedure literally took less than 30 minutes.

After they all warn me repeatedly not to "wrinkle my flaps" and wear my goggles to bed every night for the next week, Nick takes me home, the numbing drops are wearing off and my eyes hurt. After I've asked about 20 times in the 10 minute drive home if we're almost there, we get home, he gets me in bed and then looks through all the drops for my pain drops and gets it open for me.

No one told me the pain drops sting like hell. Ugh...I turn over and pass out. I wake up a couple of hours later, NOW I can finally feel the Valium. Scream for Nick for water for the cotton mouth I now have and then roll back over and fall back asleep. Nick wakes me up for dinner and then I call my mom to let her know I've survived. My eyes don't feel fabulous at this point, but not nearly as bad as when I first got home.

Nick brings in the laptop in the bedroom and watches some of his Netflix movie while I lay next to him with my eyes clothes...and you guessed it, fall back asleep. I don't know if it's the Valium or what, but I have all these nightmares about wrinkling my flaps, thanks Dr. Shanzlin!

The the next thing I know the alarm clock is going off so I can get up for my first post op visit. I tentatively open my eyes and while they're dry, nothing is blurry and they feel fine.

We get in the car to go and I CAN READ ALL THE STREET SIGNS!!! I literally cannot believe it. Nothing is blurry, I can see!

So far I have 20/15 vision as of that first visit. They think I may end up with 20/10 once my eyes are fully healed and re-moisturized....

So, all-in-all it was totally worth it, but I don't know what I'm going to do if I end up needing an enhancement!